Jokers grand escape
by Ivy Stone
Summary: Ever wonder how Joker gets out of Arkham? Heres one way...


They tried to make him sane, or not escape, either way Joker knew they would never succeed

Joker moved behind the glass window. He could see Two-Face asleep in the room across from him. This was funny to him because "PruneFace" always talked in his sleep. Lights didn't go out till 10 on Saturdays, so Joker had an extra hour of therapy. 

He had done it all of course. The asylum even tried to kill him a few times, without anyone knowing of course. First they did "shock therapy", which was about as successful as trying to drown a fish. Then they tried to scare him. That was a laugh. Trying to scare the Joker was the dumbest thing Arkham had done since the place was built. Then, Joker's favorite, they tried to hang him. Yep make it look like an accident, one said, the other nodded and tried to get the electric cord over Joker's head. Joker smiled and noticed the power was on. The two knuckleheads were out within a couple of seconds. With Joker standing with two wild cords in his hands.

So now they had given up, and tried to make him sane. Or just keep him locked up, either way Joker knew they would never succeed. But this time it would be fun. He decided to pretend to be sane.

It was a man this time; the asylum had given up on female psychiatrists since Harley Quinn. Yes, even the Joker could be a womanizer.

"Hello." the doctor person said walking in. He was bald man with a thin strip of hair around the edges of the scalp. He wore a white overcoat, and white slacks. Joker wondered why no one wore anything colorful these days. The man pushed up his glasses and looked at Joker for an answer.

"Howdy." Joker said shortly lying down on his bed. The doctor sensed a sign of disrespect. Didn't this creep know that he majored in the criminally insane? Of course not. It was the Joker; he didn't care about anything after all.

"Are you ready?" the doctor asked

"Ready for what?" Joker asked raising his eyebrows. The doctor looked at him

"Maybe we haven't been fully introduced. My name is Doctor Wattison," the man said.

"Ok Watty." Joker said not even looking up. Watty sat down across form Joker.

"So what are you going to call me?" Joker asked

"What?" Watty asked pulling out a pencil and a clipboard. Ahh, so he was clipboard man, this was going to be too easy.

"Oh come on. The call me plenty of names here. Jack, Ted, anything but my true name of course." Joker explained.

"What's your real name?" Watty said leaning in. Maybe Joker knew his past? Maybe he was just hiding it. Maybe he was a con-artist.

"I have to whisper." Joker said signalling the doctor to come closer. Joker smiled, this was to easy..

"Yes?" Watty asked leaning in.

"Closer."

"Okay.."

"Everyone knows my real name, Watty, you do to, don't you? It rots in the back of your mind until you can't help but scream it out, can you? What's my name?" Joker whispered. Watty gulped and shook his head

"I don't know what you are talking about." Watty said nervously.

"Of course you do. You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. What's my name, Watty?" Joker asked. 

Watty looked at him and backed away. He was scared. Of course he was scared. He knew his real name; it wasn't a regular name. It showed through his face, the way he talked, the way he acted. He was a child, a clown, he only had one name and that was

"Joker." Watty said softly.

"That's right. But then again, your name isn't really Watty is it? You have a name you'd rather be called by! Why, your a man of adventure, of spontaneous actions, of life!" Joker exclaimed jumping up

"What's your name?" Joker asked standing on his bed.

"But.."

"What's your name?"

"Well, when I was a kid, you know, when you played pretend." Watty looked at him sheepishly. "Everyone called me Wolf because I could howl like a real wolf."

"Wolfe!" Joker exclaimed "I like it, don't you feel better now? Don't you like being called Wolf? Who wouldn't?! In fact, I want you to quit your job Wolf, I want you to go out and do something with your life! You understand? I want you to go to South Africa and become Wolf!"

"I can't just give up my job.." Wolf said sadly.

"You got a wife, Wolf?"

"No." then he smiled. "I guess you could say I'm a "lone wolf"" Wolf chuckled

"Then you can go! Be free my son! Be free!" Joker yelled. Wolf nodded. And he threw off his white overcoat, and tossed his clipboard, and threw his pencil on the floor, and left. For he was the Wolf now. Thanks to the Joker. 

Joker wouldn't stop laughing. Luckily the Arkham guards ordered to have his room soundproof, because he did a lot of laughing. Joker noticed the overcoat, pencil and clipboard that Wolf had left behind, it was perfect. 

Joker took the pencil and drew a happy face on the clipboard; it was made of white wood, so it was easy to make even a pencil drawing show. He held up the sign to the guard. The guard nodded and shrugged. Joker put up his finger in a way of saying, one moment. And he erased the face and wrote something. Then he held it up in the window.

The guard read it, it said "feed me" the guard shook his head. Then Joker gave him a look like a puppy dog asking for scraps of food from the table. The guard sighed and left. Joker bounced up and down in excitement and awaited his food.

The guard came back around 10 15, the lights were out, but the guard brought a flashlight so he could see where he was going. Joker waited at the glass with Wolf's overcoat in hand and the guard opened the sliding door. Joker took the food, then slammed the pencil into the mans arm, the guard yelled and Joker took the clipboard and bashed him on the head. It was amazing how you could hurt someone with such a small piece of wood Joker threw on the overcoat and shoved his pillowcase in the guards mouth as a gag, the guard struggled, but when he was on his feet, Joker was already gone.

Joker knew everything about Arkham. He studied and mastered it like an art. He knew when the laundry was picked and dropped off. He knew when the guards switched places at night. And he knew the pattern of the spotlights. It was a little known fact that the Joker had attempted to escape many times, and some of those times he was caught. So Joker learned things the hard way, and to him, there was no other way.

Joker snuck past the main office, the guards were idiots. They couldn't even tell the difference between Joker in a white overcoat, and a doctor in a white overcoat. Yet, Joker was sleathly al the same. He passed the front gates and hid his face. A guard smiled and waved

"Working late tonight sir?" the guard asked. Joker grinned

"Yea, but I got to get home to the old ball and chain." Joker responded. The guard laughed. Yea that's right idiot, laugh your heart out, laugh till it bursts, because you just let out the craziest man alive.


End file.
